my feet are perpetually freezing.

EVERYONE IS PSYCHO.


NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO ACT!!!

EVERYONE NEEDS THERAPYYYYY!!!

another awk dream post:

it was my wedding day, an everything was going pretty horribly. i had to take charge of everything, and no one was helping me. My sister told me to do my own hair and makeup, so i managed an awkward bun, with tears streaming down my face. suddenly we were at the alter, and i was standing there, and my fiancé was there, and i remember feeling such relief to see him- like everything was going wrong, but since he was there, I was going to be ok. Then I found out that I had to share my wedding with, awkwardly enough, my aunt and uncle, who were renewing their vows. We were standing there, and my hair started to fall out of its bun, and a bunch of random italians were running down the isle. then I realized, that I really don't know my fiancé, and i mean, i knew him, but it was as if we had gone from being in love, to being acquaintances, and i was like "why am i getting married??" and I had said my part of the vows, but something interrupted us, and he had yet to say his, so I kept trying to get everyone to focus back on the wedding. So i can't remember if we ever did finish the ceremony, but then it was the reception, and the crazy italians were back, and someow i knew that they were my fiance / husbands friends, and they were kind of ruining everything, and being assholes. at this point, i forced myself to wake up because i was so depressed at my wedding!!!

bahahaha ohhhh amy.

so anyway, that got me to thinking that if i ever do get married (doubt it though, for some reason), that I would have a ridiculously small budget, which i think is fine. so i mean, it would be really small, and I'm thinking max like a $10,000. So i spent my day researching every way to make that work, and I def think it's do-able. I found this website that makes custom gowns for like under $500. and I honestly would like to look nice, but i realize I don't need my dress to be a bazillion dollars- i'll only wear it once. And that's not the point of a wedding anyway, ya know?

and I don't want a diamond anyway, so that doesn't matter, and I found these cute vegetarian caterers. I feel like i could have a really nice, elegant wedding. I don't really want flowers, and maybs like 100- 150 people.

bahaha, you all probs don't even care, but i def needed to lay all of my thoughts from today out on the table, and Naomi kind of forced me to. bahaha.

OR i could be like a wedding planner for people on a tight budget!!

aka- i plan on being poor for the rest of my life.

who knows if i even want to get married, man. who KNOWS! my standards are really high. It would have to be someone amazing. Yesterday, na talked about just marrying someone who was your best friends. that would be totes ideal!

blah blah blah. i don't even know.

I've been in a baking frenzy lately. When erin was here, we made cupcakes like every dayyyy, and yesterday i made TWO pans of apple streusel bars. feel free to have some. meanwhile i've been reading Skinny Bitch. bahahaha i fail.

Also, i havent been leaving my house much because black magic is in the shop, and so i have no transportation. so it ISN'T my fault that i haven't been hanging out with anyone. I've also been reading Pride and Prejudice. It's actually like really good? i really didn't like sense and sensibility.

ok, you probs don't care about any of this, but that's all ive been doing. i've TRIED to write in the music blog, but i dunno what to say!!! i'm not really an entertaining writer. as you can see.

ughesakf. i love winter break, but i'm also pretty hyped to go back to richmond- provided my car is in working order by next week. wait. JEFF AND LEIGH!?!?! LEIGH AND JEFF!? my roommate and one of my friends from school!!?!? he apparently drove FOUR HOURS to see her on new years. what the FUCK!? I wait for the day that she shows up at our door and i'm like "oh hey leigh! you didnt tell me we were hangin out today!" and she'll be like "oh...im here to see Jeff". smack in the FACE!
smack smack smack. I hung out with my roommates last night for game night, and jeff felt the need to to mention him and leigh all the tiiimmee. he's just like that.

and tell me WHY Battle of the Sexes is the worst game EVER. LISTEN. all the fuckin questions about boys were like "what kind of engine is in a blah blah blah car" or "blah blah airplane was the first to do what? " and like stupid technical and impossible shit, and the questions about girls were like "what is another name for a romance movie?" (chick flick. REALLY!?) OR " WHO ARE THE HILTON SISTERS"!?!?!?

i mean REALLY?!?! Liz and I were pissed. i hate that game. so girls are stupid and really materialistic and boys are highly intelligent beings?!? FALSE. so one question rolls around that says "WHEN and on WHAT SHOW did the beetles make their television debut?" so i was like " Ed Sullivan show, 1964. BAMMMM!" ans they DIDN'T GIVE IT TO US because i didn't know the EXACT day and date!?!? bull shittt. NO ONE knew that!

i'm apparently still really bitter about this.

baahaha my LIFE. is this really my life!?!?

ridiculous.

I cannot concentrate to save my life!!!

im trying, i really am!! I can usually go for like a couple hours at a time at least, but now i cant even do 30 minnsssss!

eff, man.

i need to do better in my classes. slash- i need to actually learn to study better. i was pretty good at it last year, but i feel like my classes are more abstract this year.

why are so many things running through my brain!?!?! too many things. too much stress.

goodness gracious.

blah blah blah self identity in early childhood bleedy blahdy bloo.


i think i may be going insane.

Let's be honest- school is number one worst. this is not to say, of course, that I dislike Richmond, In fact, I love it, but i would much rather be at home doing nothing than in richmond going to school.

this break was far too short.

Most of it was spent in NJ, with the side of the fam that I adore, so it made leaving ridiculously difficult. I am in no way ready to take/ write any finals. I spent a lot of my break thinking about what I could do, should I decide to crazily leave school, or not get into grad school, or no one hires me as a teacher. All of these are actually plausible, which is pretty scary, but also, please remember that i'm crazy and am probably paranoid. Anyway, I thought "hm, i could live in Ocean City, and work with my grandmom" or "yeah, i'll drop out of school, and get my certificate in midwifing". That all actually sounds really good. School is expensive. This year alone, VCU has raised tuition $1,000, and so many classes were cut that I can only get into three right now. three. that's 9 credits.

I mean, I think I know that I'll stay in school, graduate, go to grad school, and get a job. That will be my life. But the thing is, there are SO many other opportunities that I'm not taking. Life is too short. How am I supposed to do all the things I want to do? I feel like it's impossible. I'll never have money as a teacher, and i don't want to marry rich just to have money, cause I feel like that negates the happiness gained by doing those amazing things, ya know? I couldn't live with that.

Look, I know i'll be happy no matter what I do, and I know i'll have a good life, but there's just so much to do! do i audition for the music school even though i can't play piano very well? and if i get in, do i study abroad knowing that the credits won't transfer so i'll be in school longer?

too many questions and....thoughts. too many thoughts. I don't think that life is supposed to be this stressful. I feel like i'm worrying about it so much that I'm not going to end up enjoying it. i mean...i will...but with all of this other shit to get done, it's hard to focus on the now, which is what i need to do. I need to focus on now. what I can do now, what is best for me NOW.

But that's hard, knowing that so much depends on now.

I wanna go back to new jersey.

so...what if i became a midwife?


no seriously.

i think i might want to change...everythinggggg. I was watching this show today on being a midwife, and i realized that i ALWAYS watch these shows. and people think im crazy for it. I mean, i love kids, and being a teacher would be so rewarding, but so...single file, ya know? And i know midwives have crazy hours but being able to bring life into the world?? thats some crazy shit. I was born at home, and my mom loved it.

so i dunnooo, but i feel this pull to it, ya know? no? well i have no idea, but i think i might go talk to my adviser slash visit a birthing center. this is a big decision. I would have to switch into the school of nursing, which is amazing here, but kldsafjsalkdjf. teaching? i love that too!!!

mumsie says to stay with teaching, research and find out everything i can about midwifery, and then make my decision. mommy knows everything.

this would change everything. which is crazy, as i had everything planned perfectly. i have no ideaaa. am I crazy?!?!?!

haven't posted in a while. maybe because the internet at my house doesn't work!!! aka, it doesn't for my computer, and i don't know whyyyy. so i'm in the library. im also here because i should be studying. however, I found out that the course reserves room, which last semester was open until 2 am, CLOSES at 8 pm this semester. what the eff is that??? so i decided to procrastinate. tadaaaa.

So i came into this corner of the lib, which is a big chair surrounded by books, and i looked up, and found that I was in the music section. surrounded by music. actually, it's really calming here. I like this feeling. i'll probs end up checking some of this shit outtt. i've been skipping class too much it's an issue.

Seeing Laura Marling was GREAT! of course, i got home at 3:30, and skipped class this morning...again. It was worth it. WHY CAN'T I PLAY GUITAR?!!?! mommykins decided not to pass that skill on to me. I've been trying to build my piano skill, but i def need a teacher, cause i don't know what im doing.

is it winter break yet?

school is hard.

so let's discuss this weekend, shall we?

Went to see Muse and U2, and almost fainted because Mathew Bellamy spoke words at me. bahaha jk. but i wish. he's awesome. as is muse.

i mean, u2 is good too, it was just weird being surrounded by like...older people at a concert? and having them go crazzyyyyy. zack and i got funnel cake.

THENNN busch gardens. where I rode THREE of FOUR roller coasters. you don't seem to understand how B of a D that is for me. I'm pretty sure the only reason i went on that crazy one is becuase it was dark and i couldnt see how ridic the drop was. but i did it!! yes, you may make me an award. ps- we all need to go back. that scarecrow was HOT!!

saturday i went out on a date with this guy. no...i'm not joking. noq i know why i never played that game. It's awkkkk. aka, we're going out again on thursday, but seriously. he's like a different type of awk from me? i mean, he's really nice, and funny, and like..attractive, but not AMY attractive, ya know? I guess i'm judging too fast though. people convinced me to go out with him again, so i am. he's 22. i dunnoooo. dating is stressfullllll. I'd rather just like...go to scottland and meet the guy who automatically syncs with me, who happens to be ridiculously attractive, with an accent, and is hilarious. is that too much to ask?

i mean, i'm not complaining. It's nice to go out. but aksjdfakjf. whatevs, man. i don't even know how i feel about it.

the real story- i don't know if i'm coming home this weekend or not? i'll let you all know though. I swear VCU had the same fall break as most people last year. what the eff??

but i am LOVING richmond right now. my street is number one most picturesque. gotta love the fan.


c'est tout.

woah, kids. we are growing UPPPP!

Last night i was in my child development class, and we were talking about how the healthiest time to have a baby is in your early twenties to early thirties. I turn 20 in less than 2 months. that means that within the next 10 years i'll have kids?!?! JEEZ. that's psycho. I was also facebook stalking my old babysitter, and I remember her as a senior in high school, and now she has 4 kids. what the eff?

We are all catches.

truth. lets be honest. all of us are genuinely nice people, right? i mean, im assuming none of us have some terrible secret of killing someone or something. i mean...maybe maya does, but anyway-

why is no one interested in us? (please note- i know this obviously doesn't apply to everyone on lj- im just goin on a slightly drunken rant)

but really- i have never met another group like ours. we all truly care about one another and obviously have the capacity to care for other people as well. does that even matter these days though? whatevs.

i have really great friends, like really really great friends, and im soooOoOOo lucky. ie- I just got home from a party, and i promised my friend michael that id; text him when i got home, but i forgot, so he texted me just to make sure.love himmmmmm. (no- he's gay) it's enough.

oyyy this is depressing. i'll stop. we're awesome people. im not saying this to sound above others,but we ARE. do people care about that shit anymore? they should. where are our people? eh?

anyway, III love you guys, and i think you are such brilliant and really truly such wonderful people. so even if it takes forEVS for me to actually be in a relationship, im supes glad you kids are around.

love and kisses. surf and turf.

cheesy much?

zack and I are currently sitting in our living room, and as our AC is broken because our house is a bazillion years old, it's very hot.

we def need some kind of art for this room. the walls are ridiculously bare. we had a party last night for zack's b-day, and i got pretty trashed, but it was supah fun. so def stop by richmond sometime and hang out with us. it's pretty entertaining down here.

it's like a 2nd life though here. different friends, different house, different everything,ya know? it took a couple days to get used to it. and it's number one weird not being a freshman! we walked by our old dorm last night and saw all the freshmen out on the patio, and it was bizzare! bahaha we are such sophomoresssss.

the fuckin freshmen have a new chipotle and panera like 2 feet from their dorm! what the fuck!?!?! lucky bastards. we never got that shit. curse of 08. curse of ohh eiiiggghhttt.


bahah this post makes no sense.

Julia coolia and I went to the Jason Mraz concert last night, and it was amazzziiingggggggg!!! we were about to buy tickets and this couple came up to us and was like "hey- we have two extra tickets, do you guys want them?" and we were like "yeah!! how much do you want for them??" and he was like "no no, we don't want money, someone gave these to us, you can have them!" so we got awesome house seatingggg! which was great because it was POURING rain. poor lawn people.  THEN after Eric hutchinson played, we ran out to meet him by the merch table, and this guy told us to form a line (in the ridiculous monsoon like rain). so jules and i RAN and were first in liiiine!!!! it was the best! aka we were SOAKED,but whatevs. everything fell into place, and it was def one of the best concerts I've been to. everyone had such high and positive energy! everyone was dancing and it was just soooo much fun.

which brings me to my next point. Julia and I were talking about life and how to get the most out of it, and I realized that I really can not afford to be surrounded by negativity. I hate it, and it's a waste of time, ya know? why spend precious minutes of life feeling pissed off or negative? it's not worth it. and it doesn't help in any situation. I can't afford to surround myself with negative people eitherrrr! Julia and i realized- why should we? I mean, we obvo won"t be mean to people about it, but I don't have to be surrounded by that, and I don't want to be. So even when were lost the car and people were cutting us off, we were positive. and I know this sounds SO cheesy, but i dont really care. Jason Mraz has such a positive thought process. it was pouring rain and he was like "hey- we'll take what we can get- enjoy it". and everyone was soaked but was still having such an amazing time.

so anyway, if you can, just be conscious of your attitude, ya know? negativity effects everyone around you. those people who gave us the tickets were just truely kind people who just wanted to make other people happy. how often do we see that these days? As we were leaving, we gave them hugs, and they were like "all we ask is that you pass on the kindness". It's hard to believe there are still people like that out there. It totally made me want to be a better person.

I threw together a vid of the concert. check it out, kids.

damnit, let's all just become prostitutes.

ugh they make SUCH good moneeeyyy! bahaha, aka, ive just been too obsessed with Call Girl. My brother's roommate gave me all of season 2 and I've been re-watching it for maybe a long time.

I got my first Reston pool pass yesterday whilst mumsie and i were frantically running around town. This wee I have to re-upholster a chair for my apartment, and I have no idea as to how to even begin. oh well, i guess i'll figure it out.

I miss Richmond. I mean, i love reston and everyone here, but i miss the craziness of richmonnddd and my housee, which i am paying rent for and not actually living in. eff that.

The last few days have been wicked exhausting. we spent all day 3 days in a row just cleaning out the house and i dont think i've ever been so tired. Anyway, the house is gone now, as in not ours, and those last few minutes in it were really weird. I just kept playing all the memories from each part of the house in my head as i looked through it. ugh. Atleast we're done now. My dad moved to Burke- aka- i'll like never see him.

but im sick of feeling upset about the situation. i absolutely hate being depressed, and right now I can't let myself be, ya know? It would be too much.

therefore, im going to go read more of Belle de Jour and think about how wealthy we would all be if we became whores.

oh wait...

SIMONE PEER!!!!!!!

Julia, Jason and I are gonna do a detox. I'm partial to the 3-day lemon-honey-tea one. I just feel like i DEF need some cleansing.

My mom is out of town for a week. that means its up to me to basic finish setting up the apartment. aka i need to actually take all of my clothes out of my duffle bag. this seems daunting. that's a lot of clothes! all of which need to be washed.

work starts fully next week. ughhhh. that'll be annoying, but should keep me busy. AND they're dropping off the car for me on Saturday. yessss!

oy. i feel exhausted and pretty gross, actually. Thus, the detox. see? it's necessary.

I've also decided to contact my voice teacher to set up lessons again. I love the apartment, but it sucks that I can't just bust out into song whenever i feel like it cause of the neighbors. who all seem to be oldish. yep. voice lessons are a must.

as are piano lessons, but let's be honest- i can't afford both. Also- i can't just fiddle around on the piano anymore because I took it down to richmond already!!! eff. I'm also paying rent down there while not actually living there. that sucksss.

and i honestly dont even know when ill be able to go down there. Work seems to take my life away. but i do love my richmond house. it's super cute. 

that's pretty much it at the moment.

Today, mumsie and i moved into her new apartment. I love it, and think it's adorable, but it's super weird that this is going to be my home now.
My house is becoming more and more of just a thing.

The concept of living with my mom again is weird too. I haven't lived with her since november, and now we share a room and pretty tight spaces. I mean, it's whatevs, cause marylee is the best, but I can't grasp on to the concept that THIS is now where I come when I'm home from school. everything is changing. today mom and I had to figure out how to get to Target and the town center. what??? those things should be just known. I mean, we knew how to get there but we don't have a standard route yet.

Tomorrow, we're renting a truck and Monday, I'm moving all of my stuff to richmond. aka my bed, my piano, my other furnature. I've never moved in my whole life, and then in 2 weekends I move twice. ugghhh im sooo tired.

you all are probs out makin out with alls the hott guys, and  I am about to go to sleep. but mumsie and i got popsicles, so I def have to partake in those first. We also have no internet. I am currently stealing our neighbors' who has an unsecured network. haHA! but it only works in the bedroom on the window seat, so eff that ess.

anyway, I'm sorry again that I really haven't seen anyonnneee. this is pretty much the craziest time o' my young lyfe.


love and kisses,
amsteroni

the fire alarm went off again. COOL.

anyway, i am DONNEEEEEE.

BAM!

and i'm comin' hoooome. aka, I'm gonna miss 12th floor madness, but most kids live in nova anyway, so we'll see eachother

tpi, i need to make BANK this summer. So i need to be a server at night. ok? ok.


excellent.

this post is piontless.


love,
Amy

And now, a poem from my 6-year-old self:

ahem


Some rocks are hard
some rocks are smooth
some rocks a bumpy
and I like you


I should never have changed my major from English.

ok, so im back in reston until finals...aka...until monday.

I was looking at stuff in my basement today, and found my journal from 1st grade!!! aka, the one you had to keep for school, and everything ever is misspelled. it was GREAT! listen- in one of my entries from june, 1996, my goal was to "write a make-believe story". well, wehn i was little, my mumsie would tell me stories at night about these 4 friends. So i stole one of her stories, changed the character's names, and put it in my journal.

i kid you not. I was plagiarizing even at the young age of 6.


aahahaha my LYYYFE. i bet my teacher read it and was like "what the fuck? she can write now?!" bahahaha. nope, but my mommy can.

home sucks without you guys here. i legit haven't done anything today. i showered at 3:30, and started my day. excellent.

so we're gonna sell the house. Which i'm fine with, and it needs to be done. My mom says that a lot of the summer is gonna be spent fixing it up, and then they'll sell it. I dunno if that implies that they're moving back in together? im not sure. but i mean, it sucks cause i was born in this house, and it's legit my childhood, but as my grams says, in the end, it's just a house. they're not moving out of Reston, which is good, but...still expensive? If we can't afford this house, how can we afford another one in reston?? i dunno, but i guess we'll figure something out.

meh meh meh. we'll still have rockband- no worries : ) i know that's what you're REALLY concerned about.